Hello there, welcome, bienvenue... You should know this by now, but my name is Todd Blue, and I'm going to be your Tour Guide. I wrote this blog post for you while procrastinating reading my editor's email. I can tell by the subject line he thinks the snippet is absolute garbage. The nerve! I know how to write, I've done... Ugh, forget it. Read the post.
The Travel Brochure
How you navigated this world with as much information as a helpless babe, I don’t know. This should be a no-brainer, and yet, it’s not. Otherwise, why would I be typing this out?
What’s in a Name?
Everyone’s last name is the simple color of the ROYGBIV color spectrum. Nothing is too fancy, we don’t have Sepias or Ivorys unless you paid a pretty sum of money. In the root, our names mean a simple wordWhy, exactly? I suppose God was bored. However it’s spelled or pronounced is up to your god’s discretion, the only requirement is that somewhere in there is your color. It will align with your ethnicity and identity, or whatever your parents decided for you.
Maybe you aren’t the type to fit in. You were always the circle in a world of square holes. I’ve outlined for you some exceptions to help you out.
- If you have heterochromia, your last name is hyphenated together from the left eye, to the right eye.
- Unless you changed your name legally, your last name is the eye color you were born with. Even if today your eyes are different.
- If you have no eye color, then you don’t have a last name. Sorry!
Having an eye color devoid of saturation will make a Monochromatic Person. This means that this individual will have no color in their body at all. Their organs, and everything else, is gray-toned. Some examples of Monochromatic names are Silver, Fayid, Gray, Black, Noir… The list goes on.
The only exception is the color White. A person with white eyes will rarely be Monochromatic. In order for that to happen, there will need to be absolutely no color introduced in the individuals bloodline at all, whatsoever. This is because the color white always absorbs the light of other colors.
Monochromatic people with white eyes once were common in positions of power and royalty, but now… not so much. It’s like finding a unicorn. There’s only so many times you can marry within the same group before your genetic code needs a change of pace.
Pre-Existing Characters
Listen. I have a story for you. A little guy once told me once that he wasn’t from this world. He entered this world in that quintessential T-Shirt all tourists are required to get: I LOVE NEW YORK. He told me that everything around him looked like a blue cartoon, a blue world. All day and all night. In the mirror was a cartoon man, blue inside and outside. His motel was blue, with a blue little window, and a blue Corvette, and everything was blue for him and himself and everybody around.
Then I stopped listening to him. I didn’t understand what he meant! We live in real New York and I am a completely normal human man, and he looked quite normal to me.
As you and I both know, magic doesn’t exist. It’s a flourish you add to a story, given to your 6-year old nephew so he stops crying about snow monsters in his closet at 3 AM. If you are a magical– or otherwise supernatural being– well… not anymore. You’re a human person, just like the rest of us. I’m sure your magic is still there, deep inside of you, but none of us wants to see it.
Taking Someone With You
If you remove someone from this world and transport them where you hence came, that person will no longer look like a cartoon. Outside of my universe, you will see that person the way they have always seen themselves… human. Like they always will be.